Have a Secure, Unmolested Sizzlepissmas!

In my household, we do not celebrate Christmas. There is no Santa.

There is only the Solstice Night, when the sun is swallowed up and then slowly regurgitated by Sizzlepiss, the Solstice Opossum. She crawls up your duct work to leave "presents" in your shoes. If you've been naughty, she doesn't leave coal - she chews open your gas lines. Place the rotting scraps of your heathen feasts by your trash bins now and you may yet please her.

Sizzlepissmas is also celebrated in the City-State of Carrow, where gifts are exchanged much you do for your holidays. In honor, here's a random table for you. Technically, I made it up for a post on another forum, but it's the thought that counts.

So the PCs have been captured by some subterranean "savage" culture, like gnolls or orcs. Instead of outright execution, the PCs are sealed inside the skull of a giant, which is then filled with either:

1. A mild acid (will ruin cloth and paper, removes all body hair, permanent scarring over entire body),
2. Cave Bees (like normal bees but deal with fungi spores instead of pollen),
3. Gnoll pups,
4. Cave Honey Mead (think bourbon with traces of LSD in it),
5. Blood,
6. Snakes and chicken eggs,
7. Snakes and live chickens,
8. Hallucinogenic Mushrooms,
9. Rotting meat,
10. A candle, some dice, a couple hunks of meat and a kobold who just happened to get caught the very same morning.

Just some stuff I drew.

Afile, self-proclaimed daughter of the Raven herself

A map of the region east and south of Carrow

And another map contradicting it on key points.

Meet the Players

Spucky Conkerbucket - Art by Steph Cherrywell

My online campaign has now progressed across four sessions, two of them one-on-ones with the individual players. So who are these illustrious players that have felled giant trapdoor spiders, hit little girls with rocks, and dodged mad cows?
On her laptop a few feet away, trying not to peek at my giant monitor(s), there's Kitty Lowrance. One trick to playing online, when two of you are actually in the same room, is being careful to type anything game-related in chat so as not to exclude the other player. Thus we have two conversations going at once - Kitty, your turn. "You hungry?" I'm go to swing my greataxe at the dark-haired guy. Um, what do I add to that roll? "Yeah... let's make popcorn!" Since you're raging? I think it's + 6. "Okay. After my turn I'll go start it."

Kitty plays Agartha Daggath the "barbarian." Her background and motivation remains a cipher, but her personality had quickly developed - hot-tempered but nobody's fool, mildly self-interested, argumentative. Without realizing it my wife is role-playing the same archetype as Han Solo.

At 5' 10" and 270lb, Agartha swings a greataxe the size of a halfling with murderous strength, and when she goes into a rage, she's already shown the ability to drop typical level 1 opponents from full life to -10 HP in a single blow. The Barbarian is not just a weaker version of the Fighter.

Ten Interesting People You Might Bump Into on the Streets of Carrow

1: A stray goat wearing a large emerald as a pendant, worth 500gp. Will protect the emerald to the death.

2: A skeleton in good Carrow Guard plate mail. Necromatic wires got crossed during last uprising in the Graveyard, has been wandering aimlessly ever since. No one's noticed: Carrow Guard mail covers everything but the face, and citizens are accustomed to guards on leave stumbling around drunk or hung over. Won't attack unless provoked.

3: A Church of Krae* zealot. Dressed to the nines, very snooty unless a PC has a shiny and expensive-looking object visible. Then they are very friendly in offering to buy it for way less than it's worth, making every attempt to convince the player it's not what they think it is and they are giving them a deal. If they prove particularly astute, the zealot will change tones, tell them they belong in "The Unkindness" and warn them against Charlie Crow* heretics.

CARROW: Quinne's Quintessentials

Quinne Quilliam is a half-elf wizard/inventor who has dedicated her life to studying the practical applications of magic for the common good. A true patriot of the Republic, she believes technology holds the key to taking magic out of the hands of the rich and privileged and putting it in the hands of the people. Quinne invented the Quad-Que for cleaning the city sewers (I'll discuss that later - think "mecha-gelatinous cube" and then have a stiff drink) and in return has a cushy studio in the North District where she lives, works and sells her wares.

Quinne is unusually short and awkward-looking for a half-elf. This is because she's actually also half-gnome - people just assume the human part and she goes with it because Carrow doesn't distinguish gnomes from goblins very well. She's very bright, cheerful and talkative - especially about politics, magic or technology which are one and the same to her.


MY PLAYER'S SHOULD STOP READING NOW

Welcome to Carrow. The Toilets May Kill You. Enjoy Your Stay.

This will be the first of many posts with the following warning:

GAME SPOILERS: IF YOU'RE ONE OF MY PLAYERS, OR MIGHT BE, DON'T CLICK 'READ MORE'!