And suddenly, there were players. No Yellow Sign required.

Oh ho ho.

So. Last week I picked up used copies of the Player's and Dungeon Master's guides (3.0, because flipping through 4 just confused me and they didn't have the player's in 3.5). Then we headed over to some friends' house, and I carried the books in with me because I knew they'd get a kick out of them.

Turns out they'd be willing to play.

Let's Make Stuff: I Go, You Go, We All Go "A Mi-go!!!"

The Fungi from Yuggoth, also known as Mi-go but I can't call them that because "a Mi-go" somehow fails to instill terror in my heart, happens to be my favorite Lovecraftian race. Don't talk to me 'bout no Deep Ones. We've got an island full of them here in North Carolina. And the Elder Things look like an angry wine barrel with a starfish on top.

Sex, Lies and Embedded Video Clips

The other night, my wife and I sat down and watched every episode of I Hit It With My Axe.

For those of you who haven't seen it, I Hit It is a weekly series of short videos detailing Zak Smith's D&D campaigns with his circle of friends. Because Smith is also the porn star Zak Sabbath, and his friends tend to be coworkers, I Hit It is pitched as "D&D with Pornstars."

Which is also the name of Zak's blog, let's be fair. But here's the thing - I'd watch this group of people play regardless of profession and am almost annoyed by the Escapist's "HEY GUYZ BOOBZ" promotion.

Let's Make Stuff: The Dice Box of Liveliest Awfullness

Alchemy is real. All you have to do is take a cheap wooden box from a craft store, a hot glue gun, some Sculpey and a can of black spraypaint. Mix them together and you get pure Metal.*

It's a common conceit that all DMs have a prop. Tycho has his cape. This... thing had his little hat, there.

I, personally, have never witnessed such a thing. If you're a gamemaster and you do adorn yourself in something to signify said title, perhaps something definable as garb, I'd love to hear about it.

But I do like atmospheric doo-dads, doubly-so when they are functional and double-dog-daredly so when I can make it myself. Enter... The Cube Box!

The Epiplectic Cart

The Epipletic Cart bears no physical characteristics to differentiate it from an ordinary two-wheeled dung cart, and a particularly worn and rickety one at that. It's the kind of dung cart the stingiest of land barons would be embarrassed to see his serfs haul dung in. Better to make them carry it in their arms than to have such an eyesore mucking about the place.
Thankfully, the cart never stays around long, instead choosing to dart across the countryside both driver- and horse-less, tottering on it's two wobbly wheels. It is also an infrequent visitor, only showing up on those rare hours before Wednesday and after Tuesday and then leaving again, its tracks fading away just a few yards from where it was last seen.

All in all the Cart would be a pretty boring occurrence, if it didn't always take a few children with it, never to be seen again.

Hello. How's it going? What the hell am I doing?

Hi, my name's Chris Lowrance.

("Hi, Chris")

And I'm a... I used to be...

(Sponsor puts hand on shoulder, gives a stern glance)

Right. I am a gamer. A role-player.

(Everyone claps)

I was clean for a long time. For years, even. I didn't touch a die once in college. But last year, I fell off the wagon. It didn't go well. I got clean again, but the itch was back... stronger than ever. Maybe I should start from the beginning.